Thoughts about History and Politics! (Originally written on November 11, 2010)

I spent yesterday looking at some documentaries - trying to find appropriate material for my kids. I am a documentary nut, and really hope to instill curiosity for history in my children. I came across several that made me think about a lot of stuff. In particular, a couple years ago - prior to pulling my kids out to homeschool them. My children came home from class on 9/11 and started questioning what "it" was after hearing a clip on the radio. I was astonished to find that it was not mentioned at all during their school day. While I understand that it can be quite sensitive for some, I think it is increasingly important that children understand as much as they can about the world. My personal philosophy is that I should expose them to EVERYTHING possible, and 9/11 certainly falls in that category. My thoughts that day prompted the following writing about how Politics have affected recent history.

As a society we have elected officials to make laws and policies to remedy societal issues. More recently those issues have much to do with the security of our nation. One Question always remains. What have we lost in the endeavor to obtain what we have gained? Often the things we hold sacred are squandered in such endeavors. We lose these things rarely knowing a loss has occurred; as much of it seems to silently fade in the face of the loudest causes. Not necessarily the most noble, righteous, or even valid causes-simply the most apparent, the most newsworthy. The spirit is slowly chipped away, the mind quiets in confusion. As answers remain illusive, I wonder where have I gone. Where have we gone, we can't even see where it is we are coming from anymore, and historys stories die one generation at a time, leaving little more than an echo of the truth that was never told.

Hope!

   January 13, 2015 was 22 years since my life changed drastically. That day I learned that I would become simultaneously obsessed with food and charged with the task of moderating it.  I had to know exactly what was in the things I consumed and I had to avoid over indulgence. My life would also be full of needles pain, and I would have to be vigilant in  my self care to avoid the complications of my new diagnosis - Type 1 Diabetes. I was eleven years old and had to grow up in a single excruciating moment.
   In the beginning of this journey there was anger and sadness, strong willpower at times and weakness at others, times of despair and then there were times of HOPE. Hope that was strong and stoic in the first days, weeks, even years. Born of a little statement uttered at the tail end of many days of training and learning. My Doctor mentioned advancements in the treatment of Type 1 Diabetes AND the probability of a cure in MY lifetime. There it was - that little glimmer of HOPE!
Hope has been the battle cry of great leaders. It has been the rallying force behind winning elections and wars. Here's the thing about hope, though, when it's dashed it can become the down hearted hopeless cynic.
   I think - for most people - hope is like the ocean lapping against the shore. The tide ebbs and wanes, yet never completely goes out. It is the ocean after all - can the waves EVER really disappear?
   In the years that have passed since that day I've experienced much and learned more than I ever could have dreamed of. I have fallen deeply in love with a man I couldn't imagine my life without (It felt like I spent forever waiting for him). He was always by my side as I carried five children within me and welcomed four of them into this world. All the while knowing that not long ago Type 1 Diabetes meant that having children was extremely difficult if not impossible for women like me. It was sometimes a fatal mistake to even try.
   My first three children were all diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes while still in diapers. Those were hard days. Days where I'd chant the "Serenity Prayer" and think of my Granny's mantra "Sometimes you have to just pick yourself up by the bootstraps." I pressed on as so many people must. Impossibly sleepless nights - checking everyone's blood glucose levels - blurred into washed out days of Thankfulness that we had dodge the "Low" bullet. Then there were nights we didn't catch the low quickly enough, which led to times of fear and worry about possible permanent damage. On two occassions I woke up to my oldest paralyzed on one side of her body and unable to communicate. I thought she had surely had a stroke - Several hand wringing hours were spent in Emergency Rooms hoping that she hadn't had a stroke. Hoping that this beast of a tight-wire that is Type 1 Diabetes hadn't claimed my little girls ability to function somewhat normally. Thankfully they were TIA's and she recovered. Other nights we'd  be awoken by blood curdling screams from hallucinations because of a low BG and readings of 27md/dL would send the house into a tailspin adrenaline. A panic and frenzy to bring them up and avoid a catastrophic complication. There are always going to be difficult times in life, but focusing on the times that are beautiful and good - carries me through.
   I have four beautiful children - including a set of twins (talk about a complicated pregnancy) - they are Miracles and that gives me hope. It is certain to get better - in many ways it already has. As sure as I am that i can go to the beach and gaze at that great well of water in her vast strength and beauty - I know there is a reason to HOPE. Sometimes it hard to keep focus on that great entity. Sometimes I forget it's there but, it never truly leaves me.